Anger & Resentment
Healing the Damage that Destroys Intimate Connection
All relationships go through a natural and continual cycle of harmony, disharmony, and repair. When we are in the initial stage of harmony as we get close to someone things can seem perfect and the relationship can feel ideal. But this is not true intimacy. It's a pseudo-intimacy based on the beliefs, hopes, and fantasies that you have about each other.
"Resentments make even the best of us feel superior."
- Anne Lamott
True intimacy develops when the relationship runs into conflict and difficulty and you both are able to come back together to share a more vulnerable and flawed part of yourselves while developing a deeper understanding of each other. Ideally, over time as these natural disruptions arise, every time you reconnect as a couple you get to know each other on a deeper level while finding healthier ways to manage the inevitable differences between you. As a result, this process will help you to face and resolve your own deepest emotional issues. In this way, a healthy relationship that addresses issues and conflicts honestly and promptly serves as a laboratory for us to become the healthiest, most connected, and strongest versions of ourselves.
Unfortunately, few of us come into our relationships knowing how to do this. Most of us ride the wave of our emotions and reactions, allowing the rawest parts of ourselves to take control during difficult and sensitive moments. We default to our "Losing Strategies" venting our emotions at our partners, arguing with our partners about events, trying to "get" our partners to behave differently, being passive-aggressive, or just giving up and shutting down.
Over time, these reactions make certain topics and issues feel impossibly loaded, leaving couples in a state where they either avoid an issue entirely or blow up about it. Either way, these behaviors foster disconnection, anger, resentment, turmoil, and pain in the relationship instead of authenticity, intimacy, understanding, and growth.
We’re left feeling disconnected, hurt, misunderstood, angry, resentful, and disappointed and over time our relationships become less intimate, less cherishing, and not much fun. We start to blame our partners and to question our relationships with them. We mistakenly believe that if we had the "right" partner, or if our partners were a “better” version of themself, or like they "used to be" that these ruptures wouldn't occur.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
You can heal the damage and build a truly intimate, connected, and cherishing relationship.
If you want to heal the damage that gets in the way of intimate connection I’d love to help you get there. Reach out. I can help.
The relationship you wish for is possible, but sometimes skills and tools aren’t enough to get you there. Most of us have times in our lives when we need help to rebuild the passion and connection in our relationships. If this is where you are - reach out. I can help.
You Don't Have To Settle
The relationship you wish for is possible, but sometimes skills and tools aren’t enough to get you there. Most of us have times in our lives when we need help to rebuild the passion and connection in our relationships.
If this is where you are - reach out. I can help.
Contact me today for a twenty-minute free phone consultation or to set up an initial ninety-minute session.