Communication & Disconnection
Reconnecting and Rediscovering Emotional Intimacy and Understanding
Terry Real describes “the crunch” in relationships as the gap between the relationship that you have and the one that you wish you had. “The crunch,” something that we all experience but that far too few of us acknowledge, is a fundamental aspect of any intimate relationship. The problem is that for too many of us what we end up actually doing in our attempt to try to get our partners to understand us only ends up driving them further away and getting us even less of what we really want.
It Really Can Be Better
The energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.
- Brené Brown
When we are thrust into what Terry Real calls “the raw experience of our unmet needs” we too often find ourselves acting in ways that are comfortable, familiar, and, profoundly counterproductive. We want to close the gap and heal the crunch, we want to be close to our partner, we want them to understand what we are feeling, to see things from our point of view, and to validate our experience.
Unfortunately, few of us come into our relationships knowing how to effectively reconnect and repair our relationships. Most of us ride the wave of our emotions and reactions, allowing the rawest parts of ourselves to take control during difficult and sensitive moments. We default to our "Losing Strategies" venting our emotions at our partners, arguing with our partners about events, trying to "get" our partners to behave differently, being passive-aggressive, or just giving up and shutting down.
Over time, these reactions make certain topics and issues feel impossibly loaded, leaving our relationships in a state where we either avoid an issue entirely or blow up about it. Either way, these behaviors foster disconnection, resentment, turmoil, and pain in the relationship instead of authenticity, intimacy, understanding, and growth. We’re left feeling disconnected, hurt, misunderstood, angry, resentful, and disappointed and over time our relationships become less intimate, less cherishing, and not much fun. We start to blame our partners and to question our relationships with them. We mistakenly believe that if we had the "right" partner, or if our partners were a “better” version of themself, or like they "used to be" that these ruptures wouldn't occur.
But it doesn’t have to be this way. You can heal the crunch and build an intimate, connected, and cherishing relationship.
If you want to heal the damage that gets in the way of intimate connection I’d love to help you get there. Reach out. I can help.
The relationship you wish for is possible, but sometimes skills and tools aren’t enough to get you there. Most of us have times in our lives when we need help to rebuild the passion and connection in our relationships. If this is where you are -reach out. I can help.
You Don't Have To Settle
The relationship you wish for is possible, but sometimes skills and tools aren’t enough to get you there. Most of us have times in our lives when we need help to rebuild the passion and connection in our relationships.
If this is where you are - reach out. I can help.
Contact me today for a twenty-minute free phone consultation or to set up an initial ninety-minute session.