Most of us also complain because, in the moment, complaining feels good as we vent our frustrations, anger, and disappointments. But while c

When Terry Real (LINK) refers to this experience of “normal marital hatred,” he often quips that in the decades that he has used this phrase

When it comes to our intimate relationships all of us are fiction writers. Unfortunately, most of the time we don’t realize that we’re writi

When your relationship is falling apart it can seem hopeless, and like nothing you do can fix the problems that have built up between you. B

At its most basic level, emotional intimacy is the purpose of any close relationship. Emotional intimacy allows you to be vulnerable, to sha

Within this environment of uncertainty, disruption, and isolation our intimate relationships are vulnerable to frequent disagreements and em

These deliberate alternatives to the default responses are what Terry Real calls The Five Winning Strategies for getting what you want in

Perhaps more than any of the other Losing Strategies, withdrawal can take various forms and may arise from a wide array of motivations. Anyt

All relationships continually move through a cycle of harmony, disharmony, and repair. Most of us think that the problem lies in the disharm

Like the other Losing Strategies, retaliation erodes intimacy and tears us further away from our partners. At the same time, the impulse tha

Of course, on some level, even our most out of control expressions of hurt and anger often remain a perverse expression of our yearning for

the Losing Strategy of “Controlling Your Partner” doesn’t have to look anything like Mother May I Sleep with Danger in order to be destructi

relationship “Losing Strategy” number one, “Needing to Be Right.” So, why is this strategy a loser even when you are, in fact,

When we are thrust into what Terry Real calls “the raw experience of our unmet needs” we too often find ourselves acting in ways that are co